Bad Boys Versus Nice Guys

You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you've ever spent on improving your future love life. Read this.... There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man's behavior and his mind. And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off this...
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover? Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, "Big", has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie. And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love. Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up. So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to do with YOUR love life? More than you might think - but we'll get to that. That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high - it's something I still see it today in our "grown-up" dating world. Why don't women pick the right guys? Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself. Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes. Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:

• What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't "available" that is attractive to women? And to you?
• Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
• Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make a great companion but you're not attracted to or share a "connection" with?

Don't cheat yourself... Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions... (Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time.)
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our thoughts and compare notes.
As a quick inside reminder: This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future. Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So... I'm gonna address the last question first about "nice guys".
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?".
Here's a little quote from the article: Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense.

Since women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires

says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes.

In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free

she says.
Interesting, huh? My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.I disagree that there's something "wrong" with the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...
My friend also made the point that the "mainstream" psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys". There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys" who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy" doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever. Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.
But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems.... It's hopeless. And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for "nice women". Being a "nice girl" can't "convince" a guy to like you just because you do sweet things...
It just doesn't work like that. I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the
past. THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too "sweet" can kill attraction. Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of. Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep" part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't desirable and is lower status".
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans. People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys", they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy". (Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want.
Why? Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women. Which leads us to the "bad boy"!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys". Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it. "Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.
So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"? The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL. "We had a great connection". Some women call it "chemistry". The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It's the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can't find the love and fulfillment they're looking for.

The Biggest Mistake You can Make with A Man!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Will Your Guy Cheat on You?

You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here is a simple test that will reveal his philandering potential. You can forgive a guy for some indiscretions, but it's almost impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays.

"You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues",

says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and co-author of Red Flags! How to Know When You are Dating a Loser? Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal with it.


His Background: Cheat Predictor 1

• Was he spoiled as a kid?
• Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?
• Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?

If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (lookup: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?

"He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt",

says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming book, Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal.
So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass, suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say,

"Whoa! what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.

His Career: Cheat Predictor 2

• Does he work mostly with women?
• Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?
• Does he make a lot of money?

It is great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague.

"Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."

Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men, top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung... and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets.

"Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women",

says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of, If Men Could Talk. But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time with his spreadsheets, not spreading his assistant's sheets. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner.


His Schmooze MO: Cheat Predictor 3

• Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?
• Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?
• When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?

Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can not be satisfied by one womans ego-stroking... and if he is suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise.

"Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily",

says Aumiller.

"So even if his intentions are not to bed them, they might be willing, and that is hard to resist!"

To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around.

"He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he is talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you",

says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he will focus back on you.


His Friends: Cheat Predictor 4

• Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
• Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?
• Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?

The booze, the bars, the dudes-only deeds we are better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same. And if your stud is hitting the town with sex-seeking singles, he might feel tempted to swing as well. You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. According to Aumiller,

"If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to score, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him."

Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you.

"He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends",

says Glass. Although your fella's pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.

Are you an Emotional Spender?

Understanding how shopping really makes you feel can help you identify how your emotions impact the way you spend. It's important to note your emotional motivations for shopping, in order to assess if your emotional needs are actually being fulfilled by spending.
You probably have a mixed experience when it comes to your stress level around money. At times it may feel difficult to get your finances under control, while at other times you feel good about making clear and informed decisions about your money.
Money can create a good deal of anxiety and worry for you if you let it get out of control. However, you are closer to financial empowerment than you think, and all you have to do is take control a little bit at a time. Following are a few simple ways to get started in turning around your financial fears and alleviating your related worries.
Here are 10 smart choices that will help you create a stronger financial foundation, less financial stress and the freedom to enjoy your life more fully:
1. Identify Past Choices

Choices that have led to financial frustration and stress. Stop making those choices, starting today. One of the most important choices you can make with your money is to learn from your past choices. Use failure and frustration as a learning tool for future success.

2. Pay off Credit Cards Before other Debt

High balances on revolving debt, such as credit card debt, negatively impact your credit score more than loans that are scheduled to be paid off in a set number of months or years such as a car loan, student loan or mortgage. One of the fastest ways to improve your credit is to pay down or pay off your credit cards.

3. Use Credit Cards only if you believe you can pay in full each month

The average American household carries more than $8,000 in credit card debt with no hope of paying it off in the next 60 days, according to the most recent statistics. Make a decision to live within your means, using the money you have rather than money you have to borrow.

4. Change your Lifestyle if necessary

Sometimes building a strong financial foundation requires sacrifice. If you need to "downsize" your lifestyle so that you can become more financially strong, do it! When you have a purpose and vision, and understand the importance of a firm financial foundation, it is empowering to make tough choices such as keeping your old car for a while longer, waiting to buy a bigger house, or curbing the shopping sprees while you save to buy your own home.

5. Get Insurance

Health, Life, Home or Renters, Auto and Disability etc., that you feel confident will meet your needs in the event you need to use it. No one ever expects a crisis, but it is comforting to know that in the event of one, your finances won't be completely destroyed. An illness, fire, or accident is stressful enough. Make sure you are covered in the event of unfortunate circumstances.

6. Establish a Financial Cushion of 6 to 12 months of expenses

Make this a priority goal and begin saving towards it, even if it takes you five years or more to reach your goal. Knowing that financial ruin is not a couple of paychecks away is a very empowering feeling. It will often keep you from making decisions out of fear and empower you to make decisions based on your purpose and vision.

7. Invest time in your own Financial Education.

One of the main causes of financial problems is what I call "financial illiteracy." Some companies make a great deal of money off of the financial ignorance of otherwise intelligent people. Spend two hours or more per month learning about wealth building, debt elimination, investing, and real estate. Read books or articles. Attend a seminar. Learn from those who handle their money well. The more financially literate you become, the better off you will be.

8. Refuse to be an Emotional Spender

Have you ever spent money on your children out of guilt? Or in an effort to win the affection or admiration of others? Do you shop when you are feeling down? Do you buy things you can't afford because they make you feel better about yourself? Have you co-signed on credit cards or loans even though your intuition told you not to? If so, you have engaged in "emotional spending," an expensive habit. Recognize your propensity to spend emotionally and make a decision to change your behavior. Wait 72 hours before making a decision about an impulse purchase. Question your motives before spending money. And make sure you spend your money in a way that reflects your vision and purpose.

9. Have a Vision, Set Goals!

Last week, I challenged you to create a vision for the five key areas of your life. One of those areas is your finances. One of the reasons it is important to have a vision is because it serves as a reference point for where you are headed. When you are building towards something specific, it is easier to tell when you get off track. If you have no vision or goals, you often don't even realize you are on the wrong path until something goes terribly wrong!

10. Put Money into Proper Perspective..

Having money can certainly make life easier, more convenient and less stressful. But always remember this: If your biggest problems are money-related, consider yourself VERY blessed. Money problems can be fixed. There are other more important things in your life - your relationship with God and the people you care about, your health and your integrity, to name a few. Don't allow financial frustrations to ruin your relationships, cause you to be angry with God, do things that compromise your integrity, or stress you out to the point of causing high blood pressure, panic attacks or other health problems. Count your blessings and remember that life's richest rewards will never be found in material things.

My challenge to you this week:
Re-read these 10 smart choices. Then decide what changes you need to make to build a stronger financial foundation for your life. Write them down and take action!

What is your Purse-Personality?

The bag you carry, the stuff you carry in it, says a lot about you, your personality, and your attitude! Are you a Sophisticate, a Go-Getter, a Diva or a Free-Spirited woman. Suss out your tote quotient through this page.

The Sophisticate

• The Bag
  • Expensive
  • The look is simple and the shape is spare
  • The purse will be petite, with an interesting and subtle finish
  • Think.. Louis Vuitton


• The Contents
  • Kept to a bare minimum
  • Car keys
  • Lip Gloss
  • A Slim Wallet
  • A wide choice of Credit Cards


• The Woman
  • A woman of taste
  • Elegance
  • Lots of Moolah
  • She is a complete jet-setter
  • From her understated clothes, shoes and jewelry you candefinitely note the designer labels, small tags and high price
  • She is Brand conscious, and definitely knows her Fendi and Chanel

The Go-Getter

• The Bag
  • Small
  • Square
  • Spare, but with uncountable pockets


• The Contents
  • Digital Diary
  • Cell phone
  • Emergency needles
  • Safety pins
  • Quick-fix Make-Up kit
  • Pack of wet wipes


• The woman
  • An On-the-go professional
  • Indicative of an organized personality
  • Likes to be prepared for every eventuality

The Diva

• The Bag
  • Small
  • Sparkly


• The Contents
  • Flavored lip gloss
  • Cigarettes
  • A musky perfume
  • Keys
  • All simply chucked in, with no thought


• The Woman
  • She is smooth
  • Sensual
  • Self-confident
  • She is the focus of attention when she comes in a room
  • She knows she is the focus, and revels in it

The Free Spirited

• The Bag
  • Shoulder bags
  • Backpacks
  • Jholas
  • All carried to serve a single purpose... Taking goods from point A to point B


• The Contents
  • College notes
  • A copy of her favorite book
  • Tons of hair accessories
  • Junk jewelry
  • Occasionally, a lucky charm


• The Woman
  • She likes to live for the moment
  • She is artistic in nature
  • She likes to live in a dream world