VivaFemme - A Womans Online Magazine

Tell him how to - Make love all night!

2007-06-26T22:18:00.000Z

Courtesy: http://www.icame.com. Please follow the link at the bottom to read more on this topic.

For every man who has ever pleased a woman all night long, there are probably twenty other men who wish they could do the same. People tend to think that once a man has an orgasm, the sex must naturally end. However, that does not have to be the case at all. If a man can learn to master his penis as skillfully as he attempts to learn his lover's body, he will be able to sustain an erection all night long. The best part is that he will not have to deprive himself of pleasure to do so. He can have as many orgasms as he wants without getting tired or spent – and any man can do this so long as he follows this advice.

The first step in achieving multiple male orgasms so that sex can last all night is for a man to let his penis know who is boss. Contrary to popular belief, penises do not control men – or at least they shouldn’t. A man is responsible for his penis and he just needs to learn how to master it. You may think that it is difficult if not impossible for a man to control his penis, but that could not be further from the truth. All that a man needs to do to build up his control is to exercise. That does not mean that he has to spend extra time at the gym. It means that he has to spend some time working out his pubococcygeus muscle – which will be referred to as the PC muscle from this point forward for obvious reasons.

The PC muscle is the muscle that a man squeezes when he has to hold in his urine. This is also the muscle that unconsciously contracts when a man ejaculates. The easiest way for a man to find and isolate his PC muscle is to pretend that he is urinating and to try to stop the flow. Once a man learns where his PC muscle is and how he can control it, he will be one step closer to achieving all night sex.

For three weeks, the man should flex his PC muscle for 20 reps. He should do this three times a day on three days every week. It is important for him to make sure that he isolates his PC muscles from the thigh and buttocks muscles while he does this exercise. If he tightens all of the muscles in that general area, the PC muscle will not receive the workout it needs to strengthen itself.

By repeating this exercise and eventually tightening the PC muscle for longer periods of time, a man will be able to control his penis. His control over his penis will also make it easy for him to control his erections. This technique does not take much time to master and it will yield amazing results once a man is in tune with his PC muscle. Before long, he will be able to have sex all night and only stop when he and his partner are ready to call it quits.

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Recipes Section on VivaFemme.Com

2007-06-26T20:28:00.000Z

On popular demand VivaFemme.Com has added a new section to its website, viz. Cooking Recipes. Check it out for great Spanish, Croatian, Mughlai etc., delicacies and also check out the special category of cooking with alcohol for some swaying dinners and deserts!

Here are a few Croatian recipes, for a taste:

Pancakes with cottage cheese (Palacinke sa sirom)

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* milk
* water (1 part milk for 1 part water. Add until batter is thin)
* 1 egg
* pinch of salt
* zest from 1/2 of lemon
* cooking oil

Method:

Heat a few drops of oil in a non-stick frying pan. Ladle batter into hot pan, tilting the pan in a circular motion until batter thinly covers the whole pan. Cook for 1-2 minutes on medium heat, then turn over and cook another 30 sec. Makes 6 large or 8 small pancakes.

Filling:

* 1 cup cottage cheese (dry curd)
* 1 cup sour cream
* 1 egg
* 3 Tbsp sugar
* 1 Tbsp raisins
* 1 egg, beaten
* 1/2 cup sour cream

Method:

Preheat oven to 3500 F. Mix together all ingredients, spread across centers of pancakes and roll them up. Place the rolled pancakes in a rectangular baking pan. Mix beaten egg and sour cream and pour over pancakes. Bake 25 minutes uncovered.

Spinach pie (Pita sa spinatom)

Ingredients:

* 12 large (burrito-size) tortillas
* 2 cups chopped frozen spinach, thawed and drained (or cooked, chopped and drained fresh spinach)
* 1 egg
* 3 cups dry curd cottage cheese
* 1 cup sour cream
* 1/4 tsp salt

Method:

Pre-heat oven to 3500 F. Mix together cottage cheese, sour cream, beaten egg, and salt. Mix in spinach. Thinly oil a 9x12 baking pan. Cover bottom of pan with 1 layer of tortillas. Brush oil thinly on top of tortillas, then spread evenly with spinach mixture. For all subsequent layers, tortillas must be brushed with oil on both sides. Repeat layering process with remaining ingredients. Tortillas must form the top layer. Bake 45 min. at 3500 F. Remove from oven, brush top with water and cover with a clean towel for 10 min., then serve. May also be eaten cold. Makes 6 servings.

Ajvar

Ingredients:

* 2 lg Eggplants
* 6 lg Red or green sweet peppers
* Salt
* Pepper
* 1 Garlic clove; minced
* 1 Lemon; juiced
* 1/2 c oil, preferably olive oil/li>
* Parsley; minced

Method:

Bake eggplants and sweet peppers at 350: F until tender when pierced with a fork. Peel skin from hot vegetables and chop or mince the vegetables. Season to taste with salt and pepper and stir in the garlic and lemon juice. Gradually stir in as much of the oil as the vegetables will absorb. Mix well. Pile into a glass dish and sprinkle with parsley.

Lamb Soup (Janjeca juha)

Ingredients:

* 14 oz. (400 g) lamb meat
* 1 bunch root vegetables
* 2 oz. (50 g) rice
* 2 oz. (50 g) Savoy cabbage
* 2 egg yolks
* 2 cloves garlic
* 1 onion
* 1 bay leaf
* 4-5 pepper corns
* juice of 1 lemon
* 4 fl. oz. (100 ml) sour cream
* salt and pepper
* parsley
* 1 tablespoon of mixed spices

Method:

horoughly wash meat and vegetables and cut into cubes. Cut the Savoy cabbage into strips. Mix the egg yolks with the sour cream and lemon juice. Chop the parsley. Place the meat in a fair amount of water and bring to the boil. Skim well, add cubed vegetables, onion, garlic cloves, bay leaf, salt, pepper and spices. Boil the cabbage separately. Cook rice in salted water, drain and rinse well under cold running water. As soon as the meat is tender, strain the soup and set the meat and vegetables aside. Slowly add the egg yolk, sour cream, etc. mixture to the soup, stirring constantly. Then add the rice, meat and vegetables and sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Black Grape Appetizer (Mantala od Grozdja)

Ingredients:

* Grapes (for 1 gallon juice)
* 1 1/2 c Whole wheat flour
* 1/2 tsp Nutmeg
* 2 c Sugar
* 1/2 c Lemon juice

Method:

Crush grapes until you have a gallon of juice; strain and cook boiling until 1/2 liquid is left. Add slowly 1 1/2 (cups? -KM) whole wheat flour, stirring constantly over low flame. Add 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg and 2 cups sugar before flour. Add lemon juice. Pour into 9 x 13-1/3 x 2-inch deep pan. Let cool in pan 2 days. Slice in 2x3 inch squares. Serve with drinks. Makes 18 squares.

Visit http://vivafemme.com for a whole lot of free recipes now!

50 Clues - Your Partner is Cheating!

2007-03-07T11:24:00.000Z

Courtesy: Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

Some of these signs of cheating are “tongue in cheek” while others are tell-tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife.

You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy.
Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it.
He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
She buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know.
He Sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
He becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
Raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
He buys himself new underwear.
He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.
The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.
Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.
Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
Spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.
He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress’s house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.
Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband’s shirt.
The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.
Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is “touchy” and easily moved to anger.
You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.
Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.
She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
She has a “glow” about her.
A typical erratic behavior.
He sneaks out of the house.
She sleeps with her purse by the bed
She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.
He or She comes straight home and takes an immediate shower.
Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general.
Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life.
Your spouse deletes the internet history and cookies on the computer to cover his or her tracks.
Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.

What colours say about your Love Life!!

2007-03-07T11:21:00.000Z

Courtesy: Jane Ganahl

Can your favorite hues reveal the path to true love and happiness?

Despite two marriages, I’ve spent 80 percent of my life in search of the perfect man. And that’s why I’ve got a serious case of dating fatigue. I just want Mr. Right, heart in hand, delivered to my door by Saturday night.

That won’t happen, of course, but I’m always on the lookout for practical shortcuts to love. So when The Dewey Color System for Relationships (Three Rivers Press, 2005; $14) by Dewey Sadka crossed my desk, I decided to give it a try.

The simple 5-minute color-preference test ranks your most- and least-favorite picks within four categories to reveal the real you, not who you imagine yourself to be. Sadka says your subconscious is drawn to colors that correspond to specific traits and passions, and not to those reflecting issues you tend to avoid. Choosing colors maps your emotional landscape which, he says, can be decoded and used to navigate emotional barriers and conflicts in any relationship.

Happy couple by color
Sadka created this mini-version of his test to help make yours a better twosome. Choose your favorite color from each category and have your mate do the same. Then compare your answers, and talk over changes that could make your relationship its happiest.

Yellow-Green
If these are your choices: Personal freedom is the key to happiness. Beware the relationship with too many restrictions.
If these are your mate’s: He’s happiest when you give him unlimited support and allow him to express his feelings without judging them.Yellow-Purple
Yours: Keeping things fresh and new makes you happy, so nix the mundane home life or repetitive job.
Your mate’s: Yellow-purple mates need lots of escapades that create a fun-filled life.

Yellow-Orange
Yours: Discovering exciting, inventive things to do makes you happy. Routines bore you.
Your mate’s: Loves stimulating situations and events, so provide a steady diet of unexpected adventures.

Blue-Green
Yours: Happiness is feeling understood, so voice your needs.
Your mate’s: Find the meaning in his tone and words, and he’ll be happy.

Blue-Purple
Yours: To be happy, accept that some desires aren’t worth having. Fantasy is fun, but appreciate what you have.
Your mate’s: He’s happy when guided by concrete facts, not emotions. Keep him grounded so his frustrations turn to joy.

Blue-Orange
Yours: Wide-ranging conversation makes you happy. Challenging social situations increase your self-confidence.
Your mate’s: Banish boredom; otherwise, he feels frustrated, depleted, even depressed.

Red-Green
Yours: Respect for helping others makes you happy. Personal achievements strengthen your self-image.
Your mate’s: Listening to his tough, practical advice makes him happy. He’s all about making your life together work.

Red-Purple
Yours: You’re happiest when you’re in control.
Your mate’s: Let him set the priorities, and you’ll receive powerful strategies and supportive suggestions.

Red-Orange
Yours: To be happy, be yourself. A few friends, small gatherings, and you stand out.
Your mate’s: He’s happiest knowing you love his true self, warts and all.

— Jane Ganahl edited the anthology Single Woman of a Certain Age, and writes the San Francisco Chronicle’s “Single Minded” column

Bad Boys Versus Nice Guys

2006-10-19T15:52:00.000Z

You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you've ever spent on improving your future love life. Read this.... There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man's behavior and his mind. And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.

Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off this...

Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover? Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't want the same type of life and relationship she does.

As she makes this realization, her ex, "Big", has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie. And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love. Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!

Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up. So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to do with YOUR love life? More than you might think - but we'll get to that. That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:

I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high - it's something I still see it today in our "grown-up" dating world. Why don't women pick the right guys? Or even more to the point - why do women pick all the wrong guys?

If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you've got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I'm talking about.

Take 5 minutes of time to yourself. Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes. Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:

What is it about "bad boys" or men that aren't "available" that is attractive to women? And to you?
Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a "bad boy" - or found out soon into things?
Is there a "nice guy" in your life who would make a great companion but you're not attracted to or share a "connection" with?

Don't cheat yourself... Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions... (Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time.)

Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our thoughts and compare notes.

As a quick inside reminder: This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future. Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it's hard to get free of.

But for some reason, women don't want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.

So... I'm gonna address the last question first about "nice guys".

A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled "What's Wrong With Nice Guys?".

Here's a little quote from the article: Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?

This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense.

Since women truly are conditioned to be "good girls," sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning "I must have him!" feeling. That's why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires

says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes.

In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free

she says.

Interesting, huh? My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out "bad boys" because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.I disagree that there's something "wrong" with the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys"...

My friend also made the point that the "mainstream" psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to "bad boys". There's something to the idea that woman don't feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for "nice guys" who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.

A woman might LIKE the experience of the "nice guy" doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever. Trust me, I know men who are the "nice guy" all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.

But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems.... It's hopeless. And wouldn't you know it - it works the same way for "nice women". Being a "nice girl" can't "convince" a guy to like you just because you do sweet things...

It just doesn't work like that. I've had women be the "nice girl" with me in the
past. THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing and being too "sweet" can kill attraction. Why?

Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can't control and aren't very aware of. Being too "nice" sends a signal to the "deep" part of the mind that tells you "this person isn't desirable and is lower status".

I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans. People don't value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.

Ultimately, when women are around "nice guys", they end up unconsciously thinking, "This man isn't desirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy". (Ok, there can be another reason, but I won't disuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the "nice" persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus "nice" people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive)

In the nice guys defense - they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren't able to see it - or see it as something they want.

Why? Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the "connection" is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women. Which leads us to the "bad boy"!

You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for "bad boys". Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.

But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of "bad" behavior. You've seen it. "Bad boys" often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.

So why do women date and continue on with "bad boys"? The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL. "We had a great connection". Some women call it "chemistry". The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It's the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can't find the love and fulfillment they're looking for.

The Biggest Mistake You can Make with A Man!

2006-10-19T15:42:00.000Z

The way you talk to a man about a relationship turns out to be The Biggest Mistake a woman can Make with a Man. Christian Carter, author of the famous book, Catch Him and Keep Him has something to say to say to you on this subject.

You make The Biggest Mistake you can make with a Man... when you start a conversation about the relationship and then you "let him have it!" (you get upset and lose your cool with him). All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you've been holding inside away from him, all pour out in one big emotional explosion...

This Big Mistake can take the form of Arguing and Yelling, but not exclusively. Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.

It might include:

Complaining about the current state of the relationship
Talking about the things he does wrong with you
Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd like him to feel
Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments

But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and "drama". Especially in the guys mind. This is The Last Thing you want to do with a man if you want to get some Positive results with him. That tension that's created stays with him, and he Never forgets it.

In his mind, he now thinks of you as Hysterical and Full of Issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him. This is how you're going to act when you don't like what's going on or you feel stressed. And this is what he's going to experience more and more of with you if he stays with you and becomes More Committed to you.

I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk about this exact perception of a woman, and how they fear being with a woman who they think will act this way with them on a regular basis. In fact, this fear is so great in most men, and they want to avoid being around this kind of thing with a woman, that when they see it even once... that's it.

So how do you avoid this if you still want to express your Feelings? I'll tell you how in Three Easy Steps...

Step 1: Just Like A Man Needs To Understand You... You Need To Understand What's Going On Inside The Mind Of A Man.

Let me tell it to you straight, as a man. Women secretly believe that their connection with a man will naturally turn into something deeper without any communication taking place. Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about what's going on.

Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men. If you're assuming you have a relationship, and that he feels like you do, you're wrong. Men don't assume that a connection, being together, spending quality time and all the rest means they're in a committed relationship. Some men do, but not most.

For a man to know he's in a committed relationship, and understand the things You want in that relationship, You have to communicate with him in Clear and Direct terms. Yeah, that's right... You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.

Step 2: You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make "The Big Mistake"

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It's basic human nature. But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life (in every part of your life!).

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what THEY think and what THEY want. The root of this problem basically boils down to needs that are unmet. So making "The Big Mistake" is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be... without honestly and critically considering the man's perspective, his emotional state, his commuication skills (or the lack thereof), and where he's coming from at the same time.

When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously telling him that you're more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants. And men can read and pick up on women who do this INSTANTLY. I see a form of this "Big Mistake" communication all the time in business too, by the way.

Some business professionals are the worst at this self-absorbed "need" oriented communication. Like when someone calls me who wants to get something from me or sell me something and they're not very experienced or polished at it. The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda... and it instantly puts me on the defensive.

But if they've done their "homework" on me and understand at least something about MY NEEDS and what I'm looking for... instead of what THEY WANT from me... then when they talk it changes everything.

The second I hear that they've thought about what I want and know how to help me get it, they immediately become someone of value. Someone I will listen to. It's very simple... but extremely powerful. So let's take this concept directly back to communicating with men.It might sound cliche', but you've got to learn to listen and understand where's he's at and where's he's coming from.

This cliche' is a around for a reason. It works. Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about.But you've got to be careful to not become the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on. Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard yourself - I know that your female perceptive abilities aren't used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to good use.

Step 3: How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

Let me give you a vital piece of information when dealing with men...
Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying the things that are "obvious" to women in dating and relationships.
So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and participating in conversations about deep emotions and relationships. Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost always up to you to make this communication happen.

It's important to remember to approach the entire conversation from the perspective of talking about what you want AND what he wants. If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings and needs a priority in this conversation, and always consider what he wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!There's no rule that says you can't consider another persons opinions and feelings first in order to get what you want.
In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let the other person talk first. When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have the advantage. You know exactly what the other person wants... and knowledge is influence and power.

When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.

Try this instead...

Ask a positive question or give a positive statement such as, "Honey, I was thinking today that I was happy to be with you." It might sound submissive, corny or difficult to say to someone you're having a tough time with, but think about it... If you're going through all the trouble to worry so much about the future with this person, this is already what you're thinking.

Will Your Guy Cheat on You?

2006-10-18T13:09:00.000Z

You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here is a simple test that will reveal his philandering potential. You can forgive a guy for some indiscretions, but it's almost impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays.

"You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues",

says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and co-author of Red Flags! How to Know When You are Dating a Loser? Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal with it.

His Background: Cheat Predictor 1

Was he spoiled as a kid?
Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?
Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?

If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (lookup: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?

"He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt",

says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming book, Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal.
So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass, suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say,

"Whoa! what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.

His Career: Cheat Predictor 2

Does he work mostly with women?
Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?
Does he make a lot of money?

It is great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague.

"Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."

Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men, top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung... and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets.

"Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women",

says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of, If Men Could Talk. But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time with his spreadsheets, not spreading his assistant's sheets. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner.

His Schmooze MO: Cheat Predictor 3

Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?
Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?
When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?

Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can not be satisfied by one womans ego-stroking... and if he is suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise.

"Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily",

says Aumiller.

"So even if his intentions are not to bed them, they might be willing, and that is hard to resist!"

To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around.

"He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he is talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you",

says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he will focus back on you.

His Friends: Cheat Predictor 4

Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?
Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?

The booze, the bars, the dudes-only deeds we are better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same. And if your stud is hitting the town with sex-seeking singles, he might feel tempted to swing as well. You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. According to Aumiller,

"If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to score, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him."

Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you.

"He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends",

says Glass. Although your fella's pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.

Are you an Emotional Spender?

2006-10-17T12:52:00.000Z

Understanding how shopping really makes you feel can help you identify how your emotions impact the way you spend. It's important to note your emotional motivations for shopping, in order to assess if your emotional needs are actually being fulfilled by spending.

You probably have a mixed experience when it comes to your stress level around money. At times it may feel difficult to get your finances under control, while at other times you feel good about making clear and informed decisions about your money.

Money can create a good deal of anxiety and worry for you if you let it get out of control. However, you are closer to financial empowerment than you think, and all you have to do is take control a little bit at a time. Following are a few simple ways to get started in turning around your financial fears and alleviating your related worries.

Here are 10 smart choices that will help you create a stronger financial foundation, less financial stress and the freedom to enjoy your life more fully:

1. Identify Past Choices

Choices that have led to financial frustration and stress. Stop making those choices, starting today. One of the most important choices you can make with your money is to learn from your past choices. Use failure and frustration as a learning tool for future success.

2. Pay off Credit Cards Before other Debt

High balances on revolving debt, such as credit card debt, negatively impact your credit score more than loans that are scheduled to be paid off in a set number of months or years such as a car loan, student loan or mortgage. One of the fastest ways to improve your credit is to pay down or pay off your credit cards.

3. Use Credit Cards only if you believe you can pay in full each month

The average American household carries more than $8,000 in credit card debt with no hope of paying it off in the next 60 days, according to the most recent statistics. Make a decision to live within your means, using the money you have rather than money you have to borrow.

4. Change your Lifestyle if necessary

Sometimes building a strong financial foundation requires sacrifice. If you need to "downsize" your lifestyle so that you can become more financially strong, do it! When you have a purpose and vision, and understand the importance of a firm financial foundation, it is empowering to make tough choices such as keeping your old car for a while longer, waiting to buy a bigger house, or curbing the shopping sprees while you save to buy your own home.

5. Get Insurance

Health, Life, Home or Renters, Auto and Disability etc., that you feel confident will meet your needs in the event you need to use it. No one ever expects a crisis, but it is comforting to know that in the event of one, your finances won't be completely destroyed. An illness, fire, or accident is stressful enough. Make sure you are covered in the event of unfortunate circumstances.

6. Establish a Financial Cushion of 6 to 12 months of expenses

Make this a priority goal and begin saving towards it, even if it takes you five years or more to reach your goal. Knowing that financial ruin is not a couple of paychecks away is a very empowering feeling. It will often keep you from making decisions out of fear and empower you to make decisions based on your purpose and vision.

7. Invest time in your own Financial Education.

One of the main causes of financial problems is what I call "financial illiteracy." Some companies make a great deal of money off of the financial ignorance of otherwise intelligent people. Spend two hours or more per month learning about wealth building, debt elimination, investing, and real estate. Read books or articles. Attend a seminar. Learn from those who handle their money well. The more financially literate you become, the better off you will be.

8. Refuse to be an Emotional Spender

Have you ever spent money on your children out of guilt? Or in an effort to win the affection or admiration of others? Do you shop when you are feeling down? Do you buy things you can't afford because they make you feel better about yourself? Have you co-signed on credit cards or loans even though your intuition told you not to? If so, you have engaged in "emotional spending," an expensive habit. Recognize your propensity to spend emotionally and make a decision to change your behavior. Wait 72 hours before making a decision about an impulse purchase. Question your motives before spending money. And make sure you spend your money in a way that reflects your vision and purpose.

9. Have a Vision, Set Goals!

Last week, I challenged you to create a vision for the five key areas of your life. One of those areas is your finances. One of the reasons it is important to have a vision is because it serves as a reference point for where you are headed. When you are building towards something specific, it is easier to tell when you get off track. If you have no vision or goals, you often don't even realize you are on the wrong path until something goes terribly wrong!

10. Put Money into Proper Perspective..

Having money can certainly make life easier, more convenient and less stressful. But always remember this: If your biggest problems are money-related, consider yourself VERY blessed. Money problems can be fixed. There are other more important things in your life - your relationship with God and the people you care about, your health and your integrity, to name a few. Don't allow financial frustrations to ruin your relationships, cause you to be angry with God, do things that compromise your integrity, or stress you out to the point of causing high blood pressure, panic attacks or other health problems. Count your blessings and remember that life's richest rewards will never be found in material things.

My challenge to you this week:

Re-read these 10 smart choices. Then decide what changes you need to make to build a stronger financial foundation for your life. Write them down and take action!

What is your Purse-Personality?

2006-10-16T16:21:00.000Z

The bag you carry, the stuff you carry in it, says a lot about you, your personality, and your attitude! Are you a Sophisticate, a Go-Getter, a Diva or a Free-Spirited woman. Suss out your tote quotient through this page.

The Sophisticate

The Bag
- Expensive
- The look is simple and the shape is spare
- The purse will be petite, with an interesting and subtle finish
- Think.. Louis Vuitton

The Contents
- Kept to a bare minimum
- Car keys
- Lip Gloss
- A Slim Wallet
- A wide choice of Credit Cards

The Woman
- A woman of taste
- Elegance
- Lots of Moolah
- She is a complete jet-setter
- From her understated clothes, shoes and jewelry you candefinitely note the designer labels, small tags and high price
- She is Brand conscious, and definitely knows her Fendi and Chanel

The Go-Getter

The Bag
- Small
- Square
- Spare, but with uncountable pockets

The Contents
- Digital Diary
- Cell phone
- Emergency needles
- Safety pins
- Quick-fix Make-Up kit
- Pack of wet wipes

The woman
- An On-the-go professional
- Indicative of an organized personality
- Likes to be prepared for every eventuality

The Diva

The Bag
- Small
- Sparkly

The Contents
- Flavored lip gloss
- Cigarettes
- A musky perfume
- Keys
- All simply chucked in, with no thought

The Woman
- She is smooth
- Sensual
- Self-confident
- She is the focus of attention when she comes in a room
- She knows she is the focus, and revels in it

The Free Spirited

The Bag
- Shoulder bags
- Backpacks
- Jholas
- All carried to serve a single purpose... Taking goods from point A to point B

The Contents
- College notes
- A copy of her favorite book
- Tons of hair accessories
- Junk jewelry
- Occasionally, a lucky charm

The Woman
- She likes to live for the moment
- She is artistic in nature
- She likes to live in a dream world